Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
