is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
