Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
