Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
