Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
