Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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