Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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