Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
