According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
NoShamevember. You game?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
