i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
