You're so nebulous sometimes
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
