I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
