idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
