it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
