If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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