Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Come share oat with me in your robe
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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