some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
