You smell like stripper and shame
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
