And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
