I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
