I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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