I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
