perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
