I cannot find my penis.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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