i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
