hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my sisters under your porch take her home
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
