it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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