so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
