Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
