Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
