why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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