My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
