So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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