just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
