Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
