It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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