I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
