I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
