I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is this like a preordered booty call?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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