I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
