i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
