Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
