i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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