Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
