I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
