Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
