So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize