FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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