just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
