i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Damn victory sex feels great
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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