On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
