Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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