i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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