So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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