She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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