Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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