Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sext me about skeletons
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
