and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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