i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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