it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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