Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize