No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
