So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
