suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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