I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
They took my balls.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize