Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
