she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
